fifteen teenage girls crushed at my last concert, baby / fifteen teenage girls, crushed against the stage... -James Kochalka Superstar
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D-Land Expats



ARCHIVES

test - April 05, 2019
Soon There Will Be a Mrs. The Mark - September 26, 2007
Poor Me - May 17, 2007
Here's How I've Been Entertaining Myself Recently - May 14, 2007
Kurt Vonnegut, 1922-2007 - April 12, 2007
Yuh Fiah’d! - April 10, 2007
Lists of Movies - April 06, 2007
Tragedy + Time = Comedy - April 04, 2007
Drew Hayes - March 27, 2007
This Entry Is Like That Movie Memento - January 29, 2007
She's Not a Demon. She's a God. - January 25, 2007
I've Been Watching a Lot of Movies Lately - January 12, 2007
I Love David Lynch - January 11, 2007
Questions from General Maximus Rex - December 08, 2006
We Were Eating Pork Chops - November 29, 2006
"Hm. How About 'Tickle Rod'?" - October 20, 2006
State of the Mark Address - October 17, 2006
Answers - October 11, 2006
(Strains of the “Final Jeopardy” Theme Song) - October 10, 2006
Better Than Pig Latin - October 09, 2006
Some Pictures - September 18, 2006
Narcissus - September 06, 2006
M. A. R. K. : Man of the Future - August 15, 2006
“Why in Pluperfect Hell Did You Pee on the Corpse?” - August 01, 2006
Life of the Party - July 31, 2006
Strangers Die Every Day - July 28, 2006
Book Crazy, Part 8 - July 28, 2006
Book Crazy, Part 7 - July 20, 2006
Book Crazy, Part 6 - July 19, 2006
Book Crazy, Part 5 - June 22, 2006
Book Crazy, Part 4 - June 21, 2006
Book Crazy, Part 3 - June 15, 2006
Book Crazy, Part 2 - June 13, 2006
Book Crazy, Part 1 - June 13, 2006
My Ass Hurts! - June 06, 2006
21st Century Here I Come! - June 01, 2006
X-Men: The Last Stand - May 28, 2006
Honey Bear - April 26, 2006
Besides, I Already Saw Them in The Gift - April 13, 2006
“Shit, Ben! How the Shit Are Ya?” - April 11, 2006
"You Want to Help? Quit Helping!" - April 10, 2006
What I’d Hoped Would Be the Start of a Roll.... - March 31, 2006
"I . . . Am a Writer." - March 23, 2006
King of the Stormtroopers? Maybe? - February 28, 2006
Yeah, I like Kate Bush--What of It? - February 10, 2006
"Son of a Beesting that Hurts!" - February 03, 2006
2005 Movie Wrap-up - January 26, 2006
This One's for You, Lap - January 20, 2006
Mark, Seriously. Nobody Cares Except You. - January 18, 2006
Cerebus Wee-wees in the Sink - January 16, 2006
"Mm! This Is a Tasty Burger!" - December 14, 2005
'Tis the Season to Get Road Rage - December 01, 2005
O Impotent Rage! - November 30, 2005
TV, Comics, Books, and Bookstores. Yawn. - November 10, 2005
Even *I* Was a Dick in Fifth Grade... - November 01, 2005
The Entry in Which the Mark You Envision in Your Head... - October 28, 2005
Eh, Nothin' Special - October 19, 2005
"No, I'M a Dork!" - October 13, 2005
"He's a Writer Looking for Inspiration..." - October 12, 2005
Serenity: A Review - October 11, 2005
Wait, What Time Is It? - October 05, 2005
Niiiiiiice Blades - September 14, 2005
I Also Know All the Words to Big Bird's "Alphabet Song" - September 09, 2005
When Are Stoned British Journalists Funny...? - August 25, 2005
Yee-HAW! - August 12, 2005
And That Girl Jada Needs an Attitude Adjustment - August 04, 2005
Okay, This Time I'm Not Kidding - July 29, 2005
Regis Philbin, I Hate You - July 22, 2005
The World’s Greatest Comic Movie? Well, Not Quite. - July 20, 2005
"I've Frequently Not Been on Boats." - July 19, 2005
Y'know How Wicket Would Say "Yub Nub" in Return of the Jedi? - July 14, 2005
Don't Jinx It, Dumbass! - July 06, 2005
Mmm. Root Beer. - June 30, 2005
Some Good Stuff, and More Emotionally Draining Crapola - June 24, 2005
Yesterday Was a Good Day - June 23, 2005
"Wha' Happened?" - June 21, 2005
Holy Fucked-up Dare, Batman! - June 16, 2005
I'll Bet She's Already Up to Level Two!!! - June 13, 2005
You Were Right, Saru - June 09, 2005
I Do Like the Part When She Finally Gets to Shop, Though - May 29, 2005
Where to Begin...? - May 26, 2005
Focused, Focused, Focused, Pink Miniskirt, Wh-huh...? - May 14, 2005
Me Is Tired - May 14, 2005
Apparently "LA!" Is Arabic for "Get the Fuck Out of My Face!" - May 11, 2005
How Many Links Can I Fit Into This Entry? - May 10, 2005
The Trouble with Girls, Part Two - May 07, 2005
The Trouble with Girls, Part One - May 06, 2005
This Entry Fills Me with Ennui - May 03, 2005
This Shit's Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! - April 25, 2005
In Which Mark Blathers on Too Long about Star Trek - April 23, 2005
The Dutch Knew Vader Was Luke's Father - April 22, 2005
Zamboni Love - April 21, 2005
"Tell Us of Your Sun's Physical Spectrum!" - April 14, 2005
"What Fuckin' Chisholm Trail?" - April 12, 2005
But Not, Y'know, On Me - April 07, 2005
My Most Cheerful Entry Ever - April 05, 2005
"Good Tea. Nice House." - April 01, 2005
A Delicacy in Zimbabwe - March 30, 2005
Short and Sweet - March 28, 2005
No, the Death Spiral Is Not a Pro-Wrestling Move - March 24, 2005
Diary versus Falling Tree - March 24, 2005
The Cutting Edge was totally better than Ice Castles - March 18, 2005
I Miss John Ritter - March 17, 2005
Pocari Sweat? Hai! - March 10, 2005
Where Have the Buffalo Gone? - March 08, 2005
Sonic Death Monkey - March 04, 2005
I Hate Winter, Part II - March 03, 2005
Jude Will Never Work Again! - February 28, 2005
A Crap-Filled Entry - February 24, 2005
Total Lemming, Man - February 22, 2005
"Get That Koopa Troopa Out of My Face!" - February 18, 2005
"Go to Your Room, Young Lady!" - February 16, 2005
Mr. Clippy's Miraculous Vacuu-Cut! - February 11, 2005
Stock Up on the Metamucil - February 10, 2005
Chilled Celery Log? WTF? - February 09, 2005
Night of the Living Baseheads - February 07, 2005
"It Puts the Lotion in the Basket!" - February 03, 2005
Lord of the Couch Potatoes - February 01, 2005
Comments! - January 27, 2005
Tailgater! - January 19, 2005
“For I Had a Story that No One Could Beat...” - January 18, 2005
"What's the load-bearing strength...?" - January 14, 2005
Slow News Week - January 12, 2005
Actually, Con Air Sucked, Too - January 11, 2005
"What's Wrong?" - January 9, 2005
Favorites -
Ta-dah - January 8, 2005


People Who Are Way Smarter than Me

"The thing he was about to do was open a diary. This was not illegal (nothing was illegal since there were no longer any laws), but if detected it was reasonably certain that it would be punished by death...."
- George Orwell,
Nineteen Eighty-Four

"In addition, I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip."
- John Kennedy Toole,
A Confederacy of Dunces

"I told my students that when they were writing they should be good dates on blind dates, should show strangers good times. Alternatively, they should run really nice whorehouses, come one, come all, although they were in fact working in perfect solitude. I said I expected them to do this with nothing but idiosyncratic arrangements in horizontal lines of twenty-six phonetic symbols, ten numbers, and maybe eight punctuation marks, because it wasn't anything that hadn't been done before."
- Kurt Vonnegut,
Timequake

"Your work is so meaningless, so fully for yourself alone, and so worthless to the world, that no one except you cares whether you do it well, or ever."
- Annie Dillard,
The Writing Life

"...I found myself a moment later descending a more or less perpendicular hill in an entirely involuntary fashion, bounding through the woods with great leaps and outflung arms in a manner oddly reminiscent of George Chakiris in West Side Story, except of course that this was Wales and George Chakiris didn't shit himself with terror, before eventually, after several bouncing somersaults and an epochal eighty-yard slide on the stomach, ending up on the very lip of a giddy precipice, with a goggle-eyed view of the glittery Wye a hundred feet below. I cast my gaze back along my suddenly motionless body to find that my left foot had fortuitously snagged on a sapling. Had the sapling not been there, I would not be here."
- Bill Bryson,
Notes from a Small Island

"Everyone carries a room about inside him."
- Franz Kafka