fifteen teenage girls crushed at my last concert, baby / fifteen teenage girls, crushed against the stage... -James Kochalka Superstar
|profile|
|current|
|archives|
|the start|
|favorites|
|BOOKS!|

D-Land Expats


May 17, 2007


This Means That the Only Shows
I Have Left That I Really Love Are
Battlestar Galactica and The Office.
Poor Me.

Fuck! I know I shouldn�t get this bent out of shape over a couple of dumb TV shows, but the CW (which stands for Cracksmoking Whores, I think) kicked me in the nads twice in the last two weeks. First of all, they announced that Gilmore Girls has been canceled FIVE DAYS before the final episode of the season (make that series) was to air! What kind of shit is that? Give a guy a chance to come to grips with the end of a seven-year love affair, wouldja?

Then, yesterday I read in a pretty reliable source (The TV Guide website�not exactly the Wall Street Journal, I know, but this is TV we�re talking about here) that Veronica Mars had been renewed for next season. To make it seem even more realistic, TV Guide reported that the CW had tentatively ordered 22 new episodes, but that they would scale it back to 13 if the show (continued) to disappoint, ratings-wise.

But today I happen to see an AP report that Veronica Mars has been canceled after all. Guess what the CW is touting in its place. A dating show for FARMERS. Think I�m kidding? Nope, but I wish to god I were.

So, screw you, CW. You�re an even worse network than UPN was. You get the finger from me. A big, fat finger.


MORE BAD NEWS: On Saturday night 46 birds decided to shit on my car and used the trunk as their target (seriously, 46; I counted). A few of them missed (hitting the roof or the rear bumper instead), but 41 of them hit the bullseye. My car�s trunk looked like it barely survived a championship paintball competition in which everyone used brown paintballs. And yet the cars parked on either side of mine didn�t have a speck of bird shit on them. What did I ever do to these birds to deserve such abuse?

THE GOOD NEWS: While Julie and I were out shopping on Saturday I debated getting my car washed, but decided not to because the trees surrounding our parking lot are still shedding a lot of pollen into the air, so I made up my mind to wait another week.

THE BETTER NEWS: It poured on Wednesday night, which effectively removed 99 percent of the poo from my trunk. Ha! I win, stupid birds!


SOMETHING I HATE

When authors of history books use BCE and CE instead of BC and AD. I appreciate the desire to deemphasize the Christian-centric slant of the Gregorian calendar, but do they really want us to believe that the Common Era coincidentally began in the same year that Christ was (traditionally said to have been) born? No. If scholars really wanted to make a distinction between BC/AD and BCE/CE, they would begin the Common Era at the beginning�or even the end�of the Roman Empire. Not in the middle of it. Simply swapping labels is like insisting on calling Christmas �Decorated Evergreen Day� or something. And that�s just stupid.

SOMETHING I MISS

Phil Hartman impersonating Ed McMahon on SNL. I still say the two following phrases (which Phil used as Ed) all the time: �You are correct, sir!� and �Ha ha ha . . . YES!� Believe it or not, they�re actually quite useful in everyday conversation.

AWKWARD

I just walked by our summer intern�s cubicle, and she�s singing to herself. She�s wearing headphones and singing. Not quietly, either. This is her fourth day of work.

trois sometimes i like to sing while i'm working out, but only when no one else is in there w/me. generally i try to face the door so i'll know if anyone comes in. =) sorry to laugh at you, but that thing about the 46 birds' crap was hysterical. =) Monday, July 09, 2007, 11:58:38 AM


< < yesterday < < - > > tomorrow > >


fsol
Diary contents � 2005 Carpathian Industries, Ltd. Violators will be given to Drew Hayes and turned into his bitch. Ow.

People Who Are Way Smarter than Me

"The thing he was about to do was open a diary. This was not illegal (nothing was illegal since there were no longer any laws), but if detected it was reasonably certain that it would be punished by death...."
- George Orwell,
Nineteen Eighty-Four

"In addition, I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip."
- John Kennedy Toole,
A Confederacy of Dunces

"I told my students that when they were writing they should be good dates on blind dates, should show strangers good times. Alternatively, they should run really nice whorehouses, come one, come all, although they were in fact working in perfect solitude. I said I expected them to do this with nothing but idiosyncratic arrangements in horizontal lines of twenty-six phonetic symbols, ten numbers, and maybe eight punctuation marks, because it wasn't anything that hadn't been done before."
- Kurt Vonnegut,
Timequake

"Your work is so meaningless, so fully for yourself alone, and so worthless to the world, that no one except you cares whether you do it well, or ever."
- Annie Dillard,
The Writing Life

"...I found myself a moment later descending a more or less perpendicular hill in an entirely involuntary fashion, bounding through the woods with great leaps and outflung arms in a manner oddly reminiscent of George Chakiris in West Side Story, except of course that this was Wales and George Chakiris didn't shit himself with terror, before eventually, after several bouncing somersaults and an epochal eighty-yard slide on the stomach, ending up on the very lip of a giddy precipice, with a goggle-eyed view of the glittery Wye a hundred feet below. I cast my gaze back along my suddenly motionless body to find that my left foot had fortuitously snagged on a sapling. Had the sapling not been there, I would not be here."
- Bill Bryson,
Notes from a Small Island

"They'll never catch the guy in the storm trooper getup at the comic con!"
- Max

"Everyone carries a room about inside him."
- Franz Kafka